“Perfectionism is the voice of the oppressor, the enemy of the people. It will keep you cramped and insane your whole life.”Anne Lamott

Chances are, we all know a few perfectionists in our lives or perhaps we’re perfectionists ourselves and never seem to let it go until we’re satisfied – but the trouble is, perfectionists are never satisfied. And when it comes to parenthood, especially for mothers, we want to exceed and go beyond what our own parents may have done for us. Or perhaps succumb to what the world is telling us to do - but only better.

When asking many mothers of adult children what they would have done differently, the recurring theme of the discussions was that they’d wished we had been less uptight and more spontaneous - another way of saying they were scared stiff, perfectionists and worried too much about the wrong things.

Motherhood is full of vulnerabilities

From the minute a woman is pregnant, she is feeling vulnerable. It’s not that we don’t know what we’re doing much of the time, it’s the thought of our children being hurt or harmed – or worse, that we may lose them. These thoughts and emotions cause us to feel anxious and guilty. And as Dr Brene Brown says, guilt leads to shame.

Perfectionists who are mothers have this invisible internal pressure to accomplish raising a popular, accomplished, happy and successful person. They strive for flawlessness in all parts of their life and create unattainably high standards for themselves and their children. They’re overly concerned about what others think of them and their parenting style.

Mistakes are never seen as a normal part of learning and growing but instead viewed as personal failures. As a result, they often beat themselves up with an abusive internal dialogue. They tell themselves they’re bad mothers, stupid, inadequate, lazy and may believe something is fundamentally wrong with them.

Not all perfectionists are concerned with only accomplishments. There are some perfectionists who are focused on achieving a perfect physical appearance. Today’s society undeniably overvalues the importance of people’s physical appearance.

There’s a societal expectation that, after you have a baby, you must erase every trace of it on your body. We’re taught to hate our ‘saggy breasts’, stretch marks, and protruding belly buttons. Why should women eradicate motherhood from our bodies like it’s dirty or shameful or as if it never happened?

Perfectionists compete with other mums

Competition amongst mums is a big trigger for perfectionists. They need constant validation on whether they are a ‘good mother’ or a ‘bad mother’. Social media makes it easy to compare with other mums, especially celebrities who seem to have it all.

A perfectionist may be too focused on her child’s academic achievements and as a result, she may put unnecessary pressure on her child and may not emphasise other values, such as empathy and creativity – which is just as important for leading a fulfilling life.

How to curb the perfectionist dialogue

The good news is that with a few simple strategies and often with the help of a mental health professional, you can ‘tackle’ perfectionism and find a better balance in your life. Below are 6 ways to help you cope and overcome perfectionism:

  1. Be aware of your negative self-dialogue. When you are harsh and critical with yourself, it can reinforce perfectionism. Tackle any negative self-talk by turning the volume down rather than trying to shut out all critical thoughts completely (which is almost impossible). Try to avoid comparing your efforts to those of others. Just try to be you.
  2. Practice self-compassion and authenticity. Instead of focusing on making yourself and your children perfect, put your heart and mind into connecting with the people you love and care for. Authenticity is a requirement for the pleasure of love, joy, fun and overall happiness. Smile authentically. Reward yourself for the effort of having fun. Have fun and be fun to be around.
  3. Take the time to examine whether your goals and expectations are attainable and realistic. If they are not, give yourself permission to change them, otherwise, you may be setting yourself up for failure.
  4. Examine your irrational fears of failure with a professional. A professional can help with putting your irrational fears into perspective and help you to reach your full potential.
  5. Let go of expectations and try to accept people as they are. We are all unique and flawed as human beings. Don’t judge your flaws or those of others. Embrace your essence and see it as all part of being you. Amazing things will happen if you let go.
  6. If this list seems overwhelming, seek professional help. The change will come faster when you have a guide who can help you be yourself with a little less discomfort.



We hope these strategies can help you. Remember help is out there. Asking for help means you're strong enough to admit you don't have all the answers. And that's a real sign of strength.

Written by Cathy Ngo



Share your thoughts:

Natasha Usa

Are You Heartbroken? Don't be upset, let Dr.Unity help you get your Ex back" I'm so excited my boyfriend is back after he left me for another girl. My boyfriend was having an affair with a co-worker and i love my boyfriend so much but he was cheating on me with his co-worker and this girl i think use witchcraft or black magic on my boyfriend to make him hate me and this was so critical and uncalled-for, I cry all day and night for God to send me a helper to bring back my boyfriend! I was really upset and i needed help, so i searched for help online and I came across a website that suggested that Dr Unity can help get ex-boyfriend back fast. So, I felt I should give him a try. I contacted him and he told me what to do and i did it, then he did a lovespell for me. 11hours later, my boyfriend really called me and told me that he miss me so much, Oh My God! i was so happy, and today i am happy with my man again and we are joyfully living together and i thank the powerful spell caster Dr.Unity, he is so powerful and i decided to share my story on the internet that Dr.Unity is best spell caster online who i will always pray to live long to help his children in the time of trouble, if you are here and your boyfriend is turning you down, or your husband moved to another woman, do not cry anymore, contact Dr.Unity to help you get your Ex lover back or Stop your divorce and save your marriage now..Here’s his contact:
Call/Whats-app him: +2348055361568 OR Email him at: Unityspelltemple@gmail.com ,
His website:https://unityspelltemples.blogspot.com

Rita Carmen

Hello, my name is RITA CARMEN and I have been trying to get pregnant for over 12 years. i have been looking for ways online for so long, I first did Depo Provera Shot which i consecutively took every three months in order to get pregnant or fertile, but there was no way from it. I did Depo shot for 3 years constantly until my Doctors in Australia told me to try IVF because I had Endometriosis stage 4 and I resulted to try IVF (In Vitro Fertilization). For months after my IVF no progressed and my situation became worse that my husband had already had plans or getting married to another woman because I was barren. I read a testimony about Prophet Abulele how he had helped so many women with pregnancy problems and also how he usually casts return spells to bring back partner and make one fertile. Of all options tried, I gave Prophet Abulele a try. I am now a mother of a baby boy. For over 13 years of my marriage I received my help from this spell caster. I want to impact on someone's life and make the person get help from a good spell caster. Prophet Abulele's email is:- prophetabulelehealingtemple@gmail.com and his WhatsApp is +2349022406159 once you contact him, he will help you fast.

Ann Earnis

HOW I GOT MY HUSBAND BACK WITH THE HELP OF PRIEST WISDOM CONTACT ON WHATS_APP NUMBER +2348124644470

This is my testimony about the good work of priest wisdom who help me.... I'm Ann Earnis from north Carolina USA. And am sorry for putting this on net but i will have to, by this world best spell caster that brought back my husband who left me out for past 3 years, i eventually met this man on a blog site posting by one of is client for help, i explained everything to him and he told me about a spell caster that he had heard about and he gave me an email address to write to the spell caster to tell him my problems. In just 1 days, my husband was back to me. I just want to say thank you to this truthful and sincere spell caster, sir all you told me have come to pass and thank you sir. Please i want to tell everyone who is looking for any solution to their problem, i advice you to kindly consult this spell caster, he is real,he is powerful and whatever the spell caster tell is what will happen, because all what the spell caster told me came to pass. You can kindly contact him on: his email address is supernaturalspell1@gmail.com or directly on whats-app +2348124644470 ..........//////////............

Ann Earnis

HOW I GOT MY HUSBAND BACK WITH THE HELP OF PRIEST WISDOM CONTACT ON WHATS_APP NUMBER +2348124644470

This is my testimony about the good work of priest wisdom who help me.... I'm Ann Earnis from north Carolina USA. And am sorry for putting this on net but i will have to, by this world best spell caster that brought back my husband who left me out for past 3 years, i eventually met this man on a blog site posting by one of is client for help, i explained everything to him and he told me about a spell caster that he had heard about and he gave me an email address to write to the spell caster to tell him my problems. In just 1 days, my husband was back to me. I just want to say thank you to this truthful and sincere spell caster, sir all you told me have come to pass and thank you sir. Please i want to tell everyone who is looking for any solution to their problem, i advice you to kindly consult this spell caster, he is real,he is powerful and whatever the spell caster tell is what will happen, because all what the spell caster told me came to pass. You can kindly contact him on: his email address is supernaturalspell1@gmail.com or directly on whats-app +2348124644470 .......

Natasha

Are You Heartbroken? Don't be upset, let Dr.kogi help you get your Ex back"I'm so excited my boyfriend is back after he left me for another girl. My boyfriend was having an affair with a co-worker and i love my boyfriend so much but he was cheating on me with his co-worker and this girl i think use witchcraft or black magic on my boyfriend to make him hate me and this was so critical and uncalled-for, I cry all day and night for God to send me a helper to bring back my boyfriend! I was really upset and i needed help, so i searched for help online and I came across a website that suggested that Dr kogi can help get ex-boyfriend back fast. So, I felt I should give him a try. I contacted him and he told me what to do and i did it, then he did a lovespell for me. 11hours later, my boyfriend really called me and told me that he miss me so much, Oh My God! i was so happy, and today i am happy with my man again and we are joyfully living together and i thank the powerful spell caster Dr.kogi, he is so powerful and i decided to share my story on the internet that Dr.kogi is best spell caster online who i will always pray to live long to help his children in the time of trouble, if you are here and your boyfriend is turning you down, or your husband moved to another woman, do not cry anymore, contact Dr.kogi to help you get your Ex lover back or Stop your divorce and save your marriage now..Here’s his contact: drkogispellcaster@gmail.com
call/whatsapp +2348054405058

Natasha

Are You Heartbroken? Don't be upset, let Dr.kogi help you get your Ex back"I'm so excited my boyfriend is back after he left me for another girl. My boyfriend was having an affair with a co-worker and i love my boyfriend so much but he was cheating on me with his co-worker and this girl i think use witchcraft or black magic on my boyfriend to make him hate me and this was so critical and uncalled-for, I cry all day and night for God to send me a helper to bring back my boyfriend! I was really upset and i needed help, so i searched for help online and I came across a website that suggested that Dr kogi can help get ex-boyfriend back fast. So, I felt I should give him a try. I contacted him and he told me what to do and i did it, then he did a lovespell for me. 11hours later, my boyfriend really called me and told me that he miss me so much, Oh My God! i was so happy, and today i am happy with my man again and we are joyfully living together and i thank the powerful spell caster Dr.kogi, he is so powerful and i decided to share my story on the internet that Dr.kogi is best spell caster online who i will always pray to live long to help his children in the time of trouble, if you are here and your boyfriend is turning you down, or your husband moved to another woman, do not cry anymore, contact Dr.kogi to help you get your Ex lover back or Stop your divorce and save your marriage now..Here’s his contact: drkogispellcaster@gmail.com
call/whatsapp +2348054405058

Natasha

Are You Heartbroken? Don't be upset, let Dr.kogi help you get your Ex back"I'm so excited my boyfriend is back after he left me for another girl. My boyfriend was having an affair with a co-worker and i love my boyfriend so much but he was cheating on me with his co-worker and this girl i think use witchcraft or black magic on my boyfriend to make him hate me and this was so critical and uncalled-for, I cry all day and night for God to send me a helper to bring back my boyfriend! I was really upset and i needed help, so i searched for help online and I came across a website that suggested that Dr kogi can help get ex-boyfriend back fast. So, I felt I should give him a try. I contacted him and he told me what to do and i did it, then he did a lovespell for me. 11hours later, my boyfriend really called me and told me that he miss me so much, Oh My God! i was so happy, and today i am happy with my man again and we are joyfully living together and i thank the powerful spell caster Dr.kogi, he is so powerful and i decided to share my story on the internet that Dr.kogi is best spell caster online who i will always pray to live long to help his children in the time of trouble, if you are here and your boyfriend is turning you down, or your husband moved to another woman, do not cry anymore, contact Dr.kogi to help you get your Ex lover back or Stop your divorce and save your marriage now..Here’s his contact: drkogispellcaster@gmail.com
call/whatsapp +2348054405058

Natasha

Are You Heartbroken? Don't be upset, let Dr.kogi help you get your Ex back"I'm so excited my boyfriend is back after he left me for another girl. My boyfriend was having an affair with a co-worker and i love my boyfriend so much but he was cheating on me with his co-worker and this girl i think use witchcraft or black magic on my boyfriend to make him hate me and this was so critical and uncalled-for, I cry all day and night for God to send me a helper to bring back my boyfriend! I was really upset and i needed help, so i searched for help online and I came across a website that suggested that Dr kogi can help get ex-boyfriend back fast. So, I felt I should give him a try. I contacted him and he told me what to do and i did it, then he did a lovespell for me. 11hours later, my boyfriend really called me and told me that he miss me so much, Oh My God! i was so happy, and today i am happy with my man again and we are joyfully living together and i thank the powerful spell caster Dr.kogi, he is so powerful and i decided to share my story on the internet that Dr.kogi is best spell caster online who i will always pray to live long to help his children in the time of trouble, if you are here and your boyfriend is turning you down, or your husband moved to another woman, do not cry anymore, contact Dr.kogi to help you get your Ex lover back or Stop your divorce and save your marriage now..Here’s his contact: drkogispellcaster@gmail.com
call/whatsapp +2348054405058

Anonymous

Are You Heartbroken? Don't be upset, let Dr.kogi help you get your Ex back"I'm so excited my boyfriend is back after he left me for another girl. My boyfriend was having an affair with a co-worker and i love my boyfriend so much but he was cheating on me with his co-worker and this girl i think use witchcraft or black magic on my boyfriend to make him hate me and this was so critical and uncalled-for, I cry all day and night for God to send me a helper to bring back my boyfriend! I was really upset and i needed help, so i searched for help online and I came across a website that suggested that Dr kogi can help get ex-boyfriend back fast. So, I felt I should give him a try. I contacted him and he told me what to do and i did it, then he did a lovespell for me. 11hours later, my boyfriend really called me and told me that he miss me so much, Oh My God! i was so happy, and today i am happy with my man again and we are joyfully living together and i thank the powerful spell caster Dr.kogi, he is so powerful and i decided to share my story on the internet that Dr.kogi is best spell caster online who i will always pray to live long to help his children in the time of trouble, if you are here and your boyfriend is turning you down, or your husband moved to another woman, do not cry anymore, contact Dr.kogi to help you get your Ex lover back or Stop your divorce and save your marriage now..Here’s his contact: drkogispellcaster@gmail.com
call/whatsapp +2348054405058

Sharon Usa

Hi views did you know there is a spell to Save Your Marriage and Get Your Ex lover Back. I have used it and it did work perfectly for me.. I'm Sharon Wilson by name from USA, i never believed in love spells or magic until i met this powerful spell caster called dr.unity, My husband left me for his ex wife, This was just 2 years of our marriage. The most painful thing is that I was pregnant with our second baby. I actually thought it was over that I lost it all until I came across a website that suggested that Dr.Unity can help get ex back fast and stop a divorce or breakup and so on. So, I felt I should give him a try. I contacted him and told him my problems and he told me what to do and i did it and he did a Love spell for me. 11 hours later, my husband came back to me and apologized for the wrongs he did and promise never to do it again. Ever since then, everything has returned back to normal. Me and my husband are living together happily again. Thank you Dr Unity for saving my broken Marriage and brought my husband back to me. If you have any problem contact him and i guarantee you that he will help you. Here's his contact: Email him at: Unityspelltemple@gmail.com OR Call/Whats-app him: +2348055361568 .

Natasha Usa

Are You Heartbroken? Don't be upset, let Dr.Unity help you get your Ex back"I'm so excited my boyfriend is back after he left me for another girl. My boyfriend was having an affair with a co-worker and i love my boyfriend so much but he was cheating on me with his co-worker and this girl i think use witchcraft or black magic on my boyfriend to make him hate me and this was so critical and uncalled-for, I cry all day and night for God to send me a helper to bring back my boyfriend! I was really upset and i needed help, so i searched for help online and I came across a website that suggested that Dr Unity can help get ex-boyfriend back fast. So, I felt I should give him a try. I contacted him and he told me what to do and i did it, then he did a lovespell for me. 11hours later, my boyfriend really called me and told me that he miss me so much, Oh My God! i was so happy, and today i am happy with my man again and we are joyfully living together and i thank the powerful spell caster Dr.Unity, he is so powerful and i decided to share my story on the internet that Dr.Unity is best spell caster online who i will always pray to live long to help his children in the time of trouble, if you are here and your boyfriend is turning you down, or your husband moved to another woman, do not cry anymore, contact Dr.Unity to help you get your Ex lover back or Stop your divorce and save your marriage now..Here’s his contact:
Email him at: Unityspelltemple@gmail.com OR Call/Whats-app him: +2348055361568 ,
His Website:https://unityspelltemples.blogspot.com .